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Wishing you Christmas conflict [peace]

Humans are programmed for interpersonal conflict.

Us, and them
And after all, we’re only ordinary men
Me, and you
God only knows it’s not what we would choose to do

Humans are programmed for intergroup conflict.

Trump is my president. Let’s talk

In a democracy, the democratically elected president is the president. Citizens who reject this, promote an agenda against democracy itself.

I am a U.S. citizen and therefore Trump is currently as of October 2025, my president. This is the reality whether I like it or not. Trump is the democratically elected president of the United States. He won an election unanimously that was relatively uncontested by observers, and for the first time ever he is a Republican candidate who would still have won even if all non-voters had voted.

A common slogan in recent anti-Trump protests is “Not my president“. The slogan “Not my president” is a symbolic rejection of democracy. The (mostly Democrat voting) protestors reject the results of a democratic process. The implications of this protest message, are that the protestors would suspend democracy to have a different outcome if they could. The reason that it is ‘OK’ in this case to suspend democracy would be because Trump is “wrong”, “evil” or  “unhinged“. These are the same protestors who bewail the decline of democracy BTW.

The mass January 6th protest against the 2020 election results, and insurrection by those who tried to or forcibly enter the Capitol, is basically the same. It was based on rejection by (the mostly Republican voting) protestors of the Democratic election result of Biden as president. It, like the “Not my president” slogan, was a rejection of the Democratic system itself. Because one group did not like the outcome. The implications are that we should throw out democracy to have a different outcome.

The two sides who are regularly protesting one another because they see democracy as under threat, engage in protest messages and actions that themselves threaten democracy. Protest is a foundational element of democracy – a human right in my opinion. But I a skeptical of these democratic protests that seem to hypocritically suggest we suspend democracy. 

We, the U.S., are in a state of historically unprecedented partisan division. Each side claims moral authority, and in doing so rules out the opinions and preferences of the other side as illegitimate and wrong.

This is not a formula for democracy nor a cohesive society. It eliminates the possibility of communication. And communication is one of two ways to resolve conflict – the other being domination (conflict, elimination of the opposing position).

A necessary condition for successful communication is that all opinions are valid. That each person has a legitimate right to have any opinion. That it is OK to disagree with each others’ opinions, but that it is not OK to claim moral authority that others’ opinions are wrong (nonsense, evil, unethical, stupid, insane, etc.). By ‘not OK’, I mean, not OK to be shared in a communicative setting, leading to communication breakdown and conflict (mobilization, domination, war, etc.).

If someone says that they think black people are dangerous, untrustworthy and criminals; or that women and men should fulfill certain roles in society and families as dictated by genes and chromosomes, or by God; or if they say that children should not be allowed to change gender, especially not take puberty-delaying drugs. I will only effectively communicate with them if recognize their opinions as valid and provide a safe space for them to share these opinions. To try and understand why they have them, and to seek a way forward that doesn’t require them to give up their opinion because I say so.

If someone says that black people have been systematically oppressed, that race is not an essential feature of human beings and is instead socially constructed; or that it is right for the government to promote equality; or that we should ignore gender in social life and treat men and women identically in all situations. I again will only make progress in communication when recognizing these opinions as valid and create a safe space for them to be shared.

If I am not willing to sit that my opinion has no ultimate truth to it, or that it is morally or intellectually superior to others’ opinions, I am not supporting democratic society, but instead my own vision of a society where I dictate opinion for others. That’s not democracy. So I question what we are doing with claiming when we claim that our position is right and others are wrong, and thinking that this is a democratic process.

Image AI credit

Democracy needs harmony first. Other issues second.

We live in a time of intense division. At least most of us perceive this to be true. Media is smeared with divisive messages, warnings and threats suggesting imminent destruction of society. Why? Because those terrible other groups are destroying it we are told.

Disagreement, discussion and conflict are productive for collective decision-making up to a point. But when emotions and conflicts escalate too far, discussion ends and war begins. Once sides become entrenched, progress comes to a halt and society is at risk of breakdown. The scenario of an internal war breaking out in a rich democratic society might seem far fetched, but keep in mind that it almost happened on Jan. 6th in the United States.

Even if an armed civil war does not happen, there are social, cultural and political wars already raging, especially on social media where the enemy is not seen face-to-face but consumed in the form of media messages and then constructed in our minds. I remember the first time I was accused of being part of a cultural Marxist conspiracy, because I was “woke”. What a wake up call.

Social harmony and integration of different perspectives must be the ultimate


It would be ideal if we could heal racism, sexism and other -isms. We in the behavioral and social sciences know how. This would simply require people across all ages to repeatedly throughout the course of their life to take courses and personal time to reflect deeply on their biases, discuss these biases with others who have same and different biases, and actively listen to others’ struggles with oppressive and prejudiced treatments (including the stories of white people feeling mistreated).

Now as a reader I ask you to briefly set aside your ideas about being “woke” or not, what you think is the correct moral imperative for society, and what you know is true about social injustice in the world. I ask you to instead be “awake” with me for a moment. Do you think a scenario where we all just give up our personal priorities and go into some kind of collective harmonic oppression therapy on a regular basis, where we heal from all forms of trauma and overcome social biases? Its ridiculously unrealistic.

People like me who have pushed for social justice have taken this for granted. Just because this would be an effective method to heal racial and other intersectional prejudices and injustices, does not mean it is possible. The general agenda of movements pushing for diversity, equity and inclusion has proven to be too unrealistic for the society we live in.

Read the statement again:

This would simply require people across all ages to repeatedly throughout the course of their life to take courses and personal time to reflect deeply on their biases, discuss these biases with others who have same and different biases, and actively listen to others’ struggles with oppressive and prejudiced treatments (including the stories of white people feeling mistreated).

This is what it would really take to move past the historical oppressions and traumas that are embedded in modern democratic societies, which were mostly founded on certain land owning men having democratic rights and everyone else beholden to them, with some used for slave labor. In other words, these issues run deep, they are historical, they have collective trauma and they required violence to maintain.

No campaign, no curriculum, and no ideology will ever fully convince most people that they are (a) racist at times and (b) that they need to do something about it. And those that are openly racist, certainly will not be willing to take any actions or support spending public money on it. And if you force them, they are even less willing to learn or change. I’m sorry to say, but most people have other things on their agendas. I wish this were not the case, but that’s reality.

This is a critical juncture. The movements pushing for diversity, equity and inclusion wanted to reduce group-based prejudice and discrimination. Not a bad goal in my opinion. These movements took many steps in that direction that could have helped achieve this goal, but it upset many segments of society. They went too far. There was a backlash.

There are still many people in the U.S. who believe that white families should own black slaves. And although such people are rare, it is likely that a majority of people racialized as white believe that persons with dark skin are genetically inferior. That they are essentially a single race with features that they are born with that make them less reliable and potentially dangerous. White people who think this way – the average white person I would guess whether they admit it or not – are triggered by social justice movements, especially those targeting race or gender identity. Especially if they themselves are struggling to make ends meet, telling them they are “the problem” is certain to piss them off.

I wish these things were not true, but this is reality. Such people are triggered and fueled by media fear-mongering playing up the threat of social justice movements. One outcome of this fear was a monumental swing in votes so that the Presidency, House and Senate all went Republican in 2024; and not just Republican Party but a certain brand of politics that is radically opposed to social justice movements that push for diversity, equity and inclusion. The first order of business was then not surprisingly to remove two decades worth of policies to push for social justice.

I say “critical juncture” , because society should go on. We must live together somehow, despite this reality. I say “must” because any other option would require removing certain groups from society. Trying to remove racist white men from society is just as racist as trying to oppress those with dark skin. We cannot remove racism through voting or arguing. It is a feature of society that nobody controls, it just exists.

Most of what I read online and hear from people is how awful things are. Those opposed to the social justice movements for diversity and inclusion see them as awful, and those who support the movements see those opposed as awful. Hate, hate and more hate. I cannot tell you how many of my close colleagues and friends, many with PhDs, constantly state that anyone that voted for the current U.S. president is disgusting, morally vacuous, and fucked in the head. They claim absolute moral superiority without discussion.

This reaction is so strong, that it appears to me that there is a complete lack of respect for other people, or understanding of why others voted the way they did. There is an unwillingness to discuss politics with such people on equal ground in a manner that respects their right to opine and vote for whomever they want. The groups tend to see the other as sick and/or morally inferior. If this remains or deepens in intensity, I will not be surprised if armed conflicts ensue, or perhaps worse, that we democratically vote ourselves into a dictatorship. Some kind of dystopian Hitler 2.0.


Social harmony and integration of different perspectives must be the ultimate priority in a democracy, and especially right now. The key decision-rule when deciding how to proceed in any policymaking or political discussions has to be to first accept and embrace others’ right to think and say how they feel, and vote for what they want. Otherwise, the only other option is war until one side is defeated and removed.

If we are to co-exist, it has become logically obvious to me that some issues that people deeply care about like abortion, public education, public health care, racism, sexism, transgender issues and more – many with profound moral stakes – have to take a backseat to the stability of the system as a whole. Without a stable system, it no longer matters whether abortion is legal because the end of society and democracy means mob rule. Mob rule is the end of the rule of law, where anything goes and people will become slaves of the most powerful gangs. Governance and democracy is there to prevent mob rule in the first place.

To suggest that the intensity of fighting for certain issues needs to be toned down, or to suggest that they might need to be shifted down the priority list is painful to write for me. I have spent my life deeply concerned about race and social justice. I studied African-American Studies and Sociology in college and Sociology and Political Science in graduate school and my focus has been on social inequality. I had not until recently considered that my ideas for society and policies might be simply impossible. If so, it is absurd and potentially dangerous to push for them.

What to do. I need to work on accepting and integrating the fact that people are racist and I (we) cannot change that much into my plans for what would be ideal policies and behaviors in society.

That does not mean prejudice and discrimination are not important nor morally wrong in my opinion, nor that abortion and other issues should not be discussed in society. It means instead that if pushing these issues too hard reduces social stability and harmony so much that society collapses, then they need to be set aside or at least reduced in intensity in the name of harmony.

Above: remains of a once vast and impressive society, governed by an early form of Democracy. Long laid to waste due to a lack of harmony.


Democracy is not based on agreement. It is also not based on cleansing society of those with opposing viewpoints. It works because people accept that others have different viewpoints, and that it is okay to disagree. It is a system designed to contain conflict, not to eliminate it. That means it only survives when tolerance and harmony are treated as priorities above ideological battles, moral righteousness, and sometimes social justice. We need to admit we disagree but that we are still going to work together despite that.

I personally would prefer to prioritize social justice, but if the cost is the end of democracy, I need to admit that it sometimes is not an option.

Racism exists, religious hatred exists, ridiculous fighting across political parties exists. But no solution to these problems is possible in a society that has collapsed under the weight of its own infighting. There is no justice in war. No equality in tyranny.

Putting harmony first is not a way of ignoring injustice, but as a way of preserving the conditions in which justice, tolerance and knowledge can grow and spread.


While global governance and international cooperation matter, we don’t have global governance that has any real power. The nation-state remains the most powerful unit in our world. It is where laws are made, where rights are protected or denied, where armies are mobilized, and where media and education systems are anchored.

If a country falls into civil war or dictatorship, nothing else matters. That’s why harmony must be cultivated within each country first. Stable nations become better neighbors. They are more predictable, more cooperative, and less aggressive. So harmony within nations becomes a foundation for peace between them.

Here is another case of certain priorities taking a back seat. It would be ideal if humans acted as one species, one society. If there was a system to enforce equal rights across the globe. But this doesn’t exist. And fighting for it in the modern world system is ineffectual and may lead one to be branded a terrorist. Then it is stupid to push for that in the first place. Impossible policy goals are a waste of time and dangerous. This is a reminder that we need to play the hand we were dealt. This is how things are. What can I do today to support harmony and co-existence. Me asking myself that led to this essay. Call it a manifesto for harmony as a solution if you like. Call it anti-woke. Call it selling out. I accept your criticism openly and would like to talk discuss it with you. And would like to do this as equals interested in co-existence.